Yelp, I Hardly Knew Ye.

My employer has gone toe to proverbial toe with Yelp!. It began with emphatic curses booming out of his office. Slamming phones. Slamming calculators; pugnacity hanging in the air like rotting meat. 

"Those bastards! Those slimy fucks!" 

Booming. While customers perused the Bordeauxs and Belgian beer, my employer seethed. Oh, they also raised brows and covered their children's ears. I assumed, they Yelped. Cantankerous individuals rarely succeed in customer service, let alone family-based-local-retail stores. This much I've learned during my tenure at Armanetti's. 

Is everyman a journalist? An expert? Does indulgence grant authority? 

Fubar and the Downward Spiral of Dumbness Part II: Talking About Talking

Lingo. Slang. Jive. Jarjon. Palaver. There's plenty of palaver on Fubar. The picture above is lap-top-snapped from Fubar's UnHoLy PaRaNoiA chatroom. Lovely photo. On the left we see the square photos of the members of the chatroom. These individuals have screennames that are synonymous with, well, folk who enjoy looking at cartoons of scantily clad women with come hither eyes and a "nuh-uh" finger wags. There is a certain form of english employed in these rooms. Take Officer Pimpstik, for instance. He lays a whopper on us in the chatroom, "im faded off my ass[.]" Fair enough. One of the most interesting rules concerning language in the chatrooms is the prohibition of CAPS; they are reserved for moderators--or greeters as they are called. I have run into a few problems in the chatrooms. It's quite difficult to take it seriously and to remember there are actual people, who've vested interest and social concerns. When posting one must observe the hierarchy of the lounge and be sure not to disrupt the bizarre, like Charmer. 

I paid a compliment to her and her recent pictures. "Well done" is the phrase I used. Apparently this question hasn't been uttered in the chatrooms, as I was peppered with comments such as "wat u mean" and "easy man." RacerX57 quickly jumped in threatening to "kick your ass," which was followed by an abrupt exit by Charmer herself.  

☆.chaяmeя.☆.Se...: ok im out ... im gonna go play with make up

Well done. For all I know this could be slang for something obscene, but judging by the background and overall language of the chatroom I find it hard to believe. My patience is at an end and I must note without offense, FUBAR is a website utilized by individuals who, in my opinion, require self esteem boosts in aberrant ways, indulge scopophilic desires, have difficulty socializing in person, are devoid of higher education and enjoy negative attention from strangers...

This isn't to say that every member fits this description perfectly--I'm sure there are some who don't--but the large majority of FUBAR members display these qualities time after time, profile after profile. 

The last straw came after a stalker--hell, I've been on this site for two weeks--incessantly requested photos of me, my phone number, my address, etc. I merely accepted her friend request and had never once contacted this individual. I figured my research was done, so I sent her this...

I do like beer....

Fubar and the Downward Spiral of Dumbness

Fucked up beyond any recognition. We've all seen it. Drunkeness is generally a public affair and is often encouraged in certain social groups--you know, frats, the VFW and the book club your aunt belonged to until she drove her Buick into the living room of a neighbor's house. "We never really read, Tom. We drank Chardonnay and bitched about our husbands..."

Anyway, Fubar, according to the founder known as BabyJesus is "the internet's first online bar, where the party goes on 24-7." One may assert the members of Fubar enjoy drinking and interacting with like-minded individuals. In fact, there are Fubucks, which one can use to buy others drinks in chatrooms, or "lounges." Fubucks are bizarre. You can obtain them by posting pictures--many members clearly spend countless hours posting nonsensical images or the same image numerous times to build up points. You can also obtain points by rating the attractiveness of another's photo on a scale of 1 to 10. Interesting fact, the majority of individuals have an average rating of 10 or more. Another way to obtain fubucks is to participate in hosted surveys, IQ tests, and other nefarious games that involve you entering you cell phone number.

The site is myspace-ish, but not as sleek or well organized. In fact, if I were to render a an appearance grade--as I do in my Beer Blog--I would give it 6.6/10. The layout mimics the myspace profile page, and even goes as far as to arrange it almost identically. 

The site offers many social amenities myspace does, photo posting, photo commenting, private communication through messaging, the ability to be "friends," and also the ability to see others nude. Yes, nude. That's right. Naked. After you become friends with another user, "Private" albums are available for you to see, and in many of them you'll find pornographic images--many of which are execrable. In the name of Internet Anthropology, I quested on--albeit without the photos. 

At first, you begin to "friend" individuals--just like myspace--and accept invitations to be friends with others. After an hour or so I began to receive private messages like "wanna watch me and my hubby on our webcam..." Ye gods. It's getting worse....

TextCentric Part III.

Jeffo's Beer Blog

"I've always loved pubs. When I started writing this blog in January 2007, I was a private equity lawyer. Now, I'm the landlord of The Gunmakers Arms in Clerkenwell, a wonderful little pub in my favourite part of London."

Intriguing. This London-based bar owner writes a dreamy blog...

He uses pictures sparingly, but effectively--look up. The blog is more of a diary, but it's entertaining, informative and well done. The more you read the more you want to see what he's up to. 

TextCentric Part II.

Appellation Beer. 

Did you click...?

OK. Then you saw the rules. Yes, beer rules. The problem with textcentric blogs is, well, all the damn reading. Not that I'm opposed to reading, just that a few pictures wouldn't hurt. Also, rule #3 and #8 conflict. If there should be less conflict, why should I have to drink twice before judgement? What's wrong with analysis? In fact, this blog goes on to review several books about beer. Did he read them twice? 

TextCentric Part I.

A Good Beer Blog.

This is a serious, text-based, comprehensive beer blog that includes news, beer and economics, and dozens of other tags. Consider it the Drudge Report of beer blogs. Beer industry--with a Vermont concentration--news. It's a geek site. A site to read then flex with the info. Hell, they have writers all over the place. It's a magazine in the form of a blog. Which I hear is the new magazine. In any regard, you can take a look through the back pages or follow daily.

Personally, I read the news of my nation and world. Nothing personal to those who find beer to be more important. I happen to enjoy the discussion of recent brewery releases, you know, the actual liquid called beer, not the recent litigation concerning the name of one. 

My Cup Runneth Over

Let's have at it. Anyone can make a blog. Anyone can spout. Not everyone can make us drink. Today there are enough breweries to make your room spin. Dean Martin once said, "If you're not drunk you can lie on the floor without holding on." Fair enough. The days of martinis and filter-less cigarettes are gone. The Rat-Pack a capsule of misogyny. The tangent is over...

I'm sure you're wondering who the lamb-chop sideburn fellow is. What's the deal with the ring? Who takes a picture mid-sip with a rheumy-eyed gaze? 

Michael Jackson. Yes, that is his real name and folks, he is the greatest drinks journalist of all time. His 1978 book The World Guide To Beer influenced the front end generation of what would become the craft brewing boom. 

He also started--at the time controversial--process of rating beer and whiskey. A catalyst. We're all building from it. 

Here are three Beer Blogs that would never exist had Michael Jackson not.